I am sometimes asked why the need to keep setting harder goals. I want to explore that question a little because much of the time I can't give myself a convincing answer.
I'm at an age where I'm pretty sure I don't do it to beat other people. If that was the motivation I'd be disappointed because firstly there are so many people I can never hope to beat and secondly because I actually get more happiness out of sharing a ride with others than I do from "beating" them.
That leaves beating myself as the most likely answer. Why? Once I can ride 200k, 400k or 1000k why the need to do it faster? Is it because I like the pain? Probably not. I'm a wimp. I think it stems from a desire to push the boundaries. I do it with most of the things I enjoy. At work I frequently test to see just how much I can achieve, or get others to achieve. I test the limits of acceptable behaviour just to find out other peoples stopping points. I'm always encouraging my kids to try new things. I always follow the most outrageous music and fashion.
So I ride hard because I get a kick out of finding what I can, and can't, do.
A second reason is that I'm a bit of a control freak and my body is one thing I can exert a modicum of control over. The harder the goal, the greater level of control required.
Thirdly, I guess I do like the pain. Just a bit. Being sore and wet and cold and tired is an absolute reminder that I'm alive.
Finally, when it comes to longer Audax rides, I find the time on the bike at least as hard as the distance. Slow and stead just isn't my way. A twenty-six hour 400 is way harder than an eighteen hour one, no matter how good the company is. Of course maybe that's why one takes 26 hours and the other 18.
So there it is. I want to ride fast because I like to test my limits, I'm a controlling bastard, I like pain and I'm impatient. This blog would sound so much better if I constructed some bullshit about attaining unity of body and mind in order the experience the universal oneness of us all. I can't even make out the it's for my health because it's quite clear that ultra-endurance events aren't particularly good for our bodies.
Some of you are going to get it because you're wired similarly to me, others won't. If you get it and have some better explanations, please let me know them. It would be great to have a decent excuse. For those of you who think I'm just mad, tell me why what you do works for you.
If I know anything, I know that a goal isn't permanent. If I do happen to make an 8 hour Alpine, I'll be proud of the achievement but that won't be the end of it, I'll be chasing a better time or some other goal next. In fact a failed attempt at a goal is much more interesting than a success.
Nasty learning experience: Yesterday I stated the desire to lose 10kg to get down to around 72-73. Today I stepped on a scale for the first time in a while... Not the 82 expected but 84kg. So the goal is to lose 12kg.
4 big sleeps 'till the days start getting longer
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