Audax Alpine Classic 2009

My 2009 Alpine Classic was a huge disappointment.  I really trained and worked against the odds.  On the day I poured everything I had into it and I didn’t even come close to my goals.

I set myself a public goal of 8 hours.  Privately I believed I could, and wanted to do 7:30.  In the end I did 9:07.  To go into what went wrong and why is probably fruitless right now.  What really intrigues me is why I feel such a failure.

All of this raises lots of eyebrows in the Audax world. Audax Australia anyway.  There’s lots of emphasis on achieving the ride and not caring about the time.  For me it’s not about comparative times.  I don’t care who goes faster or slower.  This year my mate Steve came in ahead of me and I was ecstatic for him.  On the last couple of k’s up Mt Buffalo I saw him descending like a man possessed and I got goosebumps (possibly dehydration related) all over, in joy at his achievement.

Likewise, it’s hard not to be stirred by the achievement of the riders coming in with minutes to spare, having toiled through the worst heat of the day.  Every person who does this ride is a hero.  There’s no easy way to do it.

The 2009 ride was probably the hardest ride I’ve ever done. I left more blood sweat and tears on the road, both during the ride and in training than I’ve ever done before.  Is that why it hurts so much to have failed?  In training, I battled constantly with illness, I just couldn’t shake off and on the ride, I struggled through strong cramps for the final 120km.

Previously, I’ve read of some of Matthew Rawnsley’s epic achievements. I’ve been stunned by his feeling of loss at not achieving all his goals.  His achievements are so far beyond my abilities, I often think, “How can he be unhappy with that?”.  Now I think I understand.

Right now, I’m just taking a little time to mourn the loss and start planning my next goal.

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